PCOS Millennials

Back to the One I Loved First

There was a time when I thought I lost myself — the girl who used to sing loud kahit walang mikropono, the one who biked for hours just to feel the wind on her face, the friend who loved long walks and endless chika sessions.

The girl who was not afraid to join church activities or pour her heart out in writing.

But somewhere along the way, I lost her. I forgot that girl.

Nakalimutan ko yung unang pag-ibig ko.

The one who loved me fully — myself.

The Girl I Used to Be

Many people think that the battle with PCOS is just about health or fertility.
But it’s so much deeper than that.

For some, it’s easy to say,

“Arte lang yan,” or “Di mo kasi inalagaan sarili mo.”

But if they only knew how much it hurts.
Hindi namin ito pinili.
Hindi namin ginusto.

What PCOS took from me wasn’t just my body —
it was my identity.

The girl who used to laugh without hesitation,
who dreamed without limits — she slowly faded away.

And that’s why I keep coming back to the idea of “first love.”
Not a person, but the very essence of me —
the self I once cherished but forgot to love.

I miss her.

Minsan, I catch myself staring at the mirror, asking,

“Who am I now?”

PCOS made me doubt my worth, my beauty, my dreams.
But deep inside, there’s still a flicker —
a tiny flame that whispers,

“You are worth it.”

And that flame?
That’s the first love I want to embrace again —
the me who deserves love, kindness, and healing.

When PCOS Changed Everything

I shared my story before in “When the Two Lines Fade: A Filipino Woman’s Journey of Faith, Infertility, and Unwavering Love”

PCOS is a rollercoaster.
It brings hormonal chaos, mood swings, weight struggles, and worst of all — infertility.

Every month, the silence of those faint lines is deafening.
But what hurts even more is feeling like I’m failing —
failing myself, failing the dreams I once held close.

And yet, amid the pain, I realized something beautiful:
I need to come home to my first love again.

The Unseen Battles

In our culture, women are often called selfish
for putting themselves first.
Especially those who struggle with fertility or chronic illness.

But God taught me differently.

Loving and caring for myself isn’t selfish —
it’s necessary.

Because how can I pour love into others
if my own cup is empty?

When I nourish my body, mind, and spirit,
I honor God’s creation.

I honor the first love I vowed never to lose again — myself.

Your worth is not defined by your ability to conceive
or by how your body looks.

Loving yourself means forgiving your body
for the pain it carries.

It means celebrating small victories —
getting through a hard day,
or simply waking up with hope.

I miss your hope.
Your joy.
Your strength.

You were never weak.
You were enough.

I want to love you again.
I want to take care of you.

Because loving yourself isn’t selfish — it’s honoring God.

As it says in 1 Corinthians 10:31,

“Whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”

That includes how we care for ourselves —
mind, body, and soul.

Why We Need Her Again

If you’re reading this and your heart is aching with the weight of PCOS, here are some things that helped me start the journey back to self-love:

1. Listen to Your Heart

Give yourself permission to pause.

Listen to the feelings you’ve been ignoring — the sadness, the anger, the fear. It’s okay to feel these emotions. They are part of your healing.

2. Let Go of Blame and Guilt

PCOS is not your fault. It’s not because you were lazy or didn’t care enough.

Forgive yourself for any self-criticism, and replace it with kindness.

3. Build a Support System

Connect with other Filipinas going through PCOS or infertility.

Sharing your story and hearing theirs can be healing. Join online groups, find local support, or talk to trusted friends and family.

We have a PCOS GROUP where we can talk anything under the sun about our condition.

4. Rediscover Your Passions

What did you love doing before PCOS?

Maybe it’s singing, biking, or writing like me. Go back to those activities little by little.

Let them remind you of who you are beyond this diagnosis.

5. Celebrate Every Small Win

Whether it’s eating a healthy meal, going for a walk, or just smiling at yourself in the mirror — celebrate it. Every small act of care is a victory.

A Quiet Confession

Dear First Love,

I know I left you. I know I forgot how to love you properly because I was hurting and scared.

But I’m coming home now. I’m learning to see your beauty again — the beauty that no PCOS diagnosis can take away.

I promise to care for you, to protect you, and to remind you every day that you are worthy of love — especially your own.

Together, we will face this journey.

Together, we will find hope again.

To My Sisters Fighting PCOS and Infertility

If you feel lost like I did…

Come home.
Remember who you are.
Forgive yourself.
Choose yourself again.

Start small.

• Sing again, even if just for yourself.
• Take a walk and breathe.
• Write your feelings.
• Pray and cry.
• Hug yourself.
• Speak kindly to your reflection.

Be your own safe place.

Because when you choose her — your first love — healing begins.

She’s waiting.

Please don’t make her wait too long.

If this blog touched your heart, I invite you to share your story in the comments below. Or message me privately if you want to talk.

We are stronger when we stand together — Filipinas united in love, hope, and healing.

Love,
Reese ❤️

Free eBook for Every Millennial Woman with PCOS: Your Ultimate Guide to Thriving with Hormonal Imbalance